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I love Edward Robert Hughes and John William Waterhouse...
Just wanted to share these beautiful paintings
Just wanted to share these beautiful paintings
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Oh whats in that hollow, so pale I quake to follow...
The incoherant/passionate/drunken/pointless ramblings of a 18 year old
29 May 2008 @ 08:13 pm
Synonym
He was here on the same day, the same moment as you. His chest filled in and out as air and blood coursed through his veins and yet a hundred and fifty years are between you both. Like whispers between the wall you and he are in unison, and it makes me shake with fear to see how you’re unaware of this.
Just because time has had its way doesn’t mean that the deceased remain in that manner. We all linger on, retracing the same steps, even if there’s earth over the body and the mind long decomposed. Its not magical, its terrifying and I can’t turn my back.
Time has merged, and now its beginning again.
Tell Them Stories?
Just because time has had its way doesn’t mean that the deceased remain in that manner. We all linger on, retracing the same steps, even if there’s earth over the body and the mind long decomposed. Its not magical, its terrifying and I can’t turn my back.
Time has merged, and now its beginning again.
Tell Them Stories?
Don’t you ever find it strange to think that in this town, someone else has stood on the same spot countless times before your two little feet have arrived here?
History shows the ravages of time, allows events to be remembered and forgotten yet its still all too easy for the idea of these recorded characters with majestic deeds to their names who breathed in air, to be dismissed
You already dismiss it.
You might say that its silly to be aware of ones history and all that has come to pass, but stop. Think about it for one second, allow the moment to fill up your mind, capture at least thirty seconds of the busy life you feel you lead.
Who else has been here? Just think, the church that you attend every Sunday, out of habit more than any real belief, and to be honest it just keeps you mother happy, how many other feet have trampled over the worn slabs to the aged pews?
But perhaps this is not the best example, religion is not what rules your life, its not something close enough to bother about, much like how the idea of giving to a charity to aid those five thousand miles away doesn’t seem like such a grand gesture as it could do.
What about ghosts? Ah, here I feel we have hit upon the real crux of the problem. You go to church because your family wants to, we’ve established that.
But at night, when the darkness comes and then, then you can only think of how it’s you in the house. The stairs creak; taps leak and things often go bump in the night.
But don’t worry, you think over and over, screaming it till you could plead insanity. The house is an old one.
If it’s the dark you’re afraid of then that’s the least of your worries. Living by the mantra ‘what I can’t see won’t hurt me’ is the biggest mistake you can make, for instance, what about the skin cancer of last summer still etched over your face? Time will take its toll, no matter how much of it elapses.
See, back to those ghosts. The mere idea of sharing the past space means that these people you try with all your might to squash still have room to exist. When they excavate old buildings, when the ruined and yet still beautiful houses are explored by the young and old on a summers day out, those who were there first, the real eating, drinking, faeces depositing people remain there.
I don’t want to scare you.
I don’t want you to think that I’m preaching, as that would be awful to assume the wrong once again. Take it as a warning. You live in a world that none can touch, self absorbed and so afraid of the remote possibility of sanctuary being burned. In your way, it’s not directly your fault that these people from the past still live. The doors won’t ever be shut and the modern age will only survive by keeping them open. Just think, they are here, sharing the space with those buried under ground hundreds of years ago.
I can’t say heaven is unreal. I’ve not had the misfortune to visit that palace of notoriety. But will you walk there, remain on this round creation, either buried by time, dirt and decay, or stay locked in a building, remembered only by the scuffing on the flagstone floor or the clang of the assistants till?
People share all of earth’s space; you must not deny a now stated fact. They will remain.
May god have mercy on your soul?
May god have mercy on your soul?
08 February 2008 @ 08:44 pm
So im going out with theis guy tomorrow, and i say going out... its not like that at all. Shopping in London is what it is.
Which is like saying that you're going to browse a supermarket. No one does that. You got there for a reason, because you want to or need to. So I'm not entirely sure what the hell is going to happen tomorrow as I dont want him to think that I have a crush on him to some extent. I mean, he's nice, buts its his personality I like....
So its going to be a day of odd convastation and sillyness really. Its sad that I have to work myself up to doing something like this, when normally Im outgoing with most things... Im just worried that something embarressing on my part will happen and...
Oh god knows what else!
Which is like saying that you're going to browse a supermarket. No one does that. You got there for a reason, because you want to or need to. So I'm not entirely sure what the hell is going to happen tomorrow as I dont want him to think that I have a crush on him to some extent. I mean, he's nice, buts its his personality I like....
So its going to be a day of odd convastation and sillyness really. Its sad that I have to work myself up to doing something like this, when normally Im outgoing with most things... Im just worried that something embarressing on my part will happen and...
Oh god knows what else!
26 January 2008 @ 11:45 am
So for the first time in an age I went to a local gig last night. I forgot how hot they were, with everyone jumping about and 15 year olds sneaking in bottle after bottle of cheap spirit and downing it right in front of a security guard just to dare them, see if they can fool the system one tiny bit more.
It was nice to be served at the bar, last time I'd been to this venue I was one of the 15 year olds, thinking you were gods gift. Now I am practically an old lady by comparision at the age of 18! But it was so much fun. I went with some of my best friends, and we guy spotted, drank mass amounts of alcohol and pretended to know the words to the headline band. Which is bad, seeing as my friend Emma didnt know the words or the songs and it was her boyfriends band. But still, it was fun being all poser-ey!
But then you've got to wonder why you want the night to continue. Because it was in a sort of theatre it ended at 10 and you find yourself lingering in the hall, wishing, waiting and hoping that the man of your dreams might come by and ask to buy a drink before the bar of eternal drunkeness closes. But he never does. So then you find yourself saying silly things to those around you, just for the sake of it, and end sentances with "...Sorry, Im never normally like this. I dont drink." Which is stupid in itself as obviously one drinks, as to think of that sentance you must have said it countless times before. The Emma said I thought the guitarist was hot, and I said I didnt think so, but really I did, but there was no way I wanted to look more stupid than I already did. He ignored this comment. And im struggling to think why I messeged him to apologise for this, when there was nothing to apoligise for.
See, there is the rub. You want something out of nothing, some wonderful new experience just for you and you alone for being in that room at the right time. But when is the right time? When you're pissed out of your head with your drunken friend and thinking your're having the best time when everyone else wants you to be a little more quiet, and a little less lewd. This seems to be the right time, as you are now a different person.
But thats never going to be the right time, is it? For in order for someone to be captivated by ones personality, you just have to be yourself and not do the things that you think you have to 'just for the sake of it'. No one likes a fake. No one likes a drunk girl.
And now, after so many years of thinking that I have to be different to be seen by the right kind of person, all I have to do is be me. And nothing, nothing more.
11 June 2007 @ 07:55 pm
So now the exams are over and Im not (hopefully) going to be kicked out of school because I've worked so bloody hard, I returned to school from study leave, and discovered there was no point being in today due to a teachers absense.
So in my anger I stalked off to the library, in an attempt to find something to do for the next 6 hours. I found a copy of the Vanity Fair book, which I've wanted to read for a while.
And then my little beady eye spots the corner of a book, with a face that looks somewhat familar.
Turns out to be David Bowie, on the cover of a book called the Man Who Fell to Earth. So I have now read the book in about an hour, and liked it, and really want to see the film.
Though it was X rated when realeased, which makes it out to be completly different from the book somehow.
I now really want to see it, just for the Bowie love.
So in my anger I stalked off to the library, in an attempt to find something to do for the next 6 hours. I found a copy of the Vanity Fair book, which I've wanted to read for a while.
And then my little beady eye spots the corner of a book, with a face that looks somewhat familar.
Turns out to be David Bowie, on the cover of a book called the Man Who Fell to Earth. So I have now read the book in about an hour, and liked it, and really want to see the film.
Though it was X rated when realeased, which makes it out to be completly different from the book somehow.
I now really want to see it, just for the Bowie love.
17 April 2007 @ 06:37 pm
I know that everything I do is created by me. All the problems that are in a persons life are made by oneself and people in your life. Things are really just simple, and it is human nature to analyise, worry and over complicate everything.
So I suppose, that when I do what I've done since I've ever been in school and under presure, that I should not allow it to happen nor get caught up in my own stupidity.
Sure.
I have never enjoyed education. Hated it when I had to be there, and after my GCSE's I adored life. Then I went to college and did Media, and for a short time I liked it there, and the people were nice. But sooner or later, my worries about not doing work caught up with me and in the end I stopped doing the work. Not to be rebillous, or clever in a silly way, but just because I'd got so far behind that I had no choice other than to just leave.
At the time I blamed those around me, said that I wasnt comfortable with older students and missed being in familiar surrondings.
But really, deep down I knew it was because I just did not want to do the work. And also, I knew I wanted to act, more than anything in the world, do something good and be noticed for it, because, academically speaking, I have no hope at anything else.
So then I went back to my old school, my 6th form. And here I am now, exactly as I was a year ago, only not being able to leave because they believe that with a bit of encouragment and help from teachers I can get all my A level coursework done by the end of the week. And we are talking about at least 20 pieces of work together. By next week, all at at least Grade C level.
How the fuck am I meant to do that? I know its my own fault, and thats what I hate the most, knowing that the only reason I slip up and dont work is because I really arent happy.
Yes, I suppose its because Im back in a place that makes me feel complacent, around people Im too comfortable with and so its easy to slip into old patterns. But now I know that with no grades what so ever at the end of tern there will be little hope for me other than working in some horrible shop filling shelves, still wittering on about a better life that I might have if I one day get an agent or spotted in some impossible place and my dreams are no longer dreams.
Imagination is such a vital thing, and I fear that despite my advancing years, though young I may be, my imagination has run away with me and I've lost account for the real world, and realistic ambitions.
And so basically.... for the next few days I am to be watched by my teachers, who will make sure that at every second I am doing my work.
Argh.
Oh, fuck.
So I suppose, that when I do what I've done since I've ever been in school and under presure, that I should not allow it to happen nor get caught up in my own stupidity.
Sure.
I have never enjoyed education. Hated it when I had to be there, and after my GCSE's I adored life. Then I went to college and did Media, and for a short time I liked it there, and the people were nice. But sooner or later, my worries about not doing work caught up with me and in the end I stopped doing the work. Not to be rebillous, or clever in a silly way, but just because I'd got so far behind that I had no choice other than to just leave.
At the time I blamed those around me, said that I wasnt comfortable with older students and missed being in familiar surrondings.
But really, deep down I knew it was because I just did not want to do the work. And also, I knew I wanted to act, more than anything in the world, do something good and be noticed for it, because, academically speaking, I have no hope at anything else.
So then I went back to my old school, my 6th form. And here I am now, exactly as I was a year ago, only not being able to leave because they believe that with a bit of encouragment and help from teachers I can get all my A level coursework done by the end of the week. And we are talking about at least 20 pieces of work together. By next week, all at at least Grade C level.
How the fuck am I meant to do that? I know its my own fault, and thats what I hate the most, knowing that the only reason I slip up and dont work is because I really arent happy.
Yes, I suppose its because Im back in a place that makes me feel complacent, around people Im too comfortable with and so its easy to slip into old patterns. But now I know that with no grades what so ever at the end of tern there will be little hope for me other than working in some horrible shop filling shelves, still wittering on about a better life that I might have if I one day get an agent or spotted in some impossible place and my dreams are no longer dreams.
Imagination is such a vital thing, and I fear that despite my advancing years, though young I may be, my imagination has run away with me and I've lost account for the real world, and realistic ambitions.
And so basically.... for the next few days I am to be watched by my teachers, who will make sure that at every second I am doing my work.
Argh.
Oh, fuck.
08 April 2007 @ 06:13 pm
I do not want it to end. I absolutley adore LOM :[
But anyway! To try and forget that the most brilliant TV show of recent history is ending, I have made some icons.
Feel free to use, as long as credit is given.
Preview :
& for the rest....
But anyway! To try and forget that the most brilliant TV show of recent history is ending, I have made some icons.
Feel free to use, as long as credit is given.
Preview :
& for the rest....
( Read more... )